Breaking Through

Most of you know I have been on a journey to find a closer relationship with God. Some have been supportive, some not. And that's okay, I am only doing this for me and the generations to come after me, not to please anyone else.

The last few years have been eye opening to me. I realized that while I know of the things of God, that relationship wasn't in my heart. In fact, I lived for guidelines and rules rather than the relationship, and I am the only one to blame for that. I remember asking my dad about why certain things were the way they were, and his kind and wise response was that I was focusing only on the small stuff and needed to focus on my relationship with Him.

But I failed to do so, and when I needed to rely on that relationship the most, all I found in my heart were superfluous regulations that I didn't understand instead of the deep relationship that I needed. And I knew something had to be done; I had to seek His face with everything in me.

There is this incredible song by Peder Eide called Breakthrough.  It truly captures the essence of my turning point and moment of desperation, then resolution to seek Him no matter what.

I sing all the songs
I read all about You
I know right from wrong
What does it amount to?
If my life doesn't show
How much I love You?
[Chorus]
I need You to break through
Tear down the walls
Let everything fall
'Cause I want to praise You
With nothing between You and me
I need You to break through
I know there is more
I've yet to discover
So many things you want to uncover
I've been scratching the surface
I want to go deeper
[Repeat Chorus]
Break through the pride
Break through the shame
I've had enough of staying the same
Break through the fear
Open the gates
I'm getting tired of playing it safe
[Repeat Chorus 2x]
I need you to break through

If any must pass judgement on my actions then that is their cross to bear. But I will not be deterred from my goal of simply finding my relationship with Him. I've come so far already, and have grown so much in His word these last several weeks that I can say with certainty that my path is sure, I am confident in who I am in Him and I am moving forward. Thank you for your prayers and may God bless your steps.