Dating Post Divorce

Divorced. It’s common yet invokes a distaste and sense of sorrow when given as a status. People are often caught off guard, unsure of what side to take and if a shoulder should be offered or if they should give you the space needed to safely vandalize everything in your path. In an ironic way, the reactions of others to a divorce are somewhat comical. I still receive the occasional message stating, “I had no idea!” But I mean really, what was I supposed to do? Rent a billboard on the interstate? Post it on Facebook? Send out divorce invitations? I mean, hello.

According to a study performed by the University of Wisconsin, Madison, about 75 percent of divorcés later remarry, and men remarry at higher rates than women. But committing your life to someone again can (and should be) a very scary thing. I read an article called "32 Shocking Divorce Statistics" and cringed; many of these were my statistics. Shocking.

Dating after a divorce; now that’s a whole new ballgame. Someone somewhere must have a good laugh at our humanity when we try to take charge; I mean I’ve had a few embarrassing moments myself even that I’ve had to just laugh about. Before experiencing married life, dating was a fun, light-hearted adventure with no expectations and some relationships would grow to become more until that one someday became something wonderful and worth devoting the rest of your life to. Yet something happens when people have had that marital commitment come to a close, regardless of the reason. They’re out of their comfort zone, thrown back into the world of dating but at a stage in their lives that they weren’t really prepared for. And oftentimes, these circumstances cause them to act in ways that even they are embarrassed of.

I’ve been told that it’s wise to wait a month for every year that you were married before dating again, and that makes complete sense after seeing my own response to divorce and then dating. You simply have to find you again. There will be a void in your life that was previously filled with sharing life’s experiences with the one closest to you, and it’s common to want to fill that void in some way. But the best way to do that is by strengthening the person you are on your own. In time, romance will come. But finding that comfort zone of the single life (or single parent life) should take priority. Happiness isn’t found when you find someone else to make you happy; it’s found in the simple things that happen every day to us as individuals. Don’t let these moments pass you by because you’re wearing blinders and on a “manhunt” (or “womanhunt”). Bask in them and one day you’ll see you don’t need someone in your life to make you complete. Then it will come when you’re not even searching.