Discipline Challenges

You think you have it all figured out when you're a kid.  So ready to be a grown up so that all of life's troubling problems will just fade away.  The rules that grown ups bestow upon you make absolutely no sense and you know that when you grow up, things will be different for your kids. 

I remember this one time at my parents' old house in Deer Park.  Gabe or I (it's so hard to remember which one it was, we were always instigating things) had done something worthy of punishment and neither of us were fessing up to it. 

My dad ran a tight ship.  One look (you know, "the" look) and our cheeks clenched and we knew we were about to get busted.  So he sat all three of us down on the love seat and paced back and forth in front of us, belt in hand.  I remember staring at the peach colored threads that were woven through the dark blue fabric on the love seat, wishing that this moment would just pass; hoping that somehow he would be merciful and give us just this one. 

Dad firmly asked, "Amanda, was it you?"
Meekly I answered, "No..."
"Son, was it you?"
Gabe replied looking down at the carpet, "No."
"Alicia?"
Alicia answered, "Noooo!!"

Truth is, it was Gabe or I, and we weren't about to fess up for fear of that redneck-styled leather belt hitting our tails.  But Dad outsmarted us, as parents tend to do.  Unable to determine which of us was lying, he firmly declared that we could all turn around and bend over because we were all getting spanked for it.

It's one thing to get whooped for your own sins but to have a sibling get whooped for it?  Yeah that's a little hard to follow through with.  Especially when you know that they might lay in bed awake until you fall asleep and then draw on your face with permanent marker or put ants in your bed.  True story, really happens.

I grew up with so many spankings I now have to eat right and stay in the gym just to keep my rear on this side of the Mississippi River.  It was definitely an effective method of punishing us because well, we were quite bad.  But I vowed to never spank my children.

Fast forward twenty-five years or so... I now have a beautiful child of my own.  I remember the day she was born.  She turned purple right away because I couldn't figure out how to feed her right.  She fell off our really tall bed as an infant because I looked the other way for just a moment after she'd learned how to roll.  As a mother to this beautiful baby that God has given me, I've only wanted to protect her from all of the perils that life has to offer.

But then there are times... times when you know that your boiling point has been reached.  Times when you  think, "I'm about to be on CNN and I hope there's no recording of what I'm about to do to this child."  All of my promises to never spank my child are broken. 

Our family went through a divorce at the end of last year and Eric was the primary disciplinarian.  I was Celeste's confidant, her friend.  But after the divorce, I let her get away with too many things and I regret it.  I had that BAM, hit-me-in-the-face-moment during a dating relationship where she acted out and was defiant.  After speaking with friends about what she did and my lack of discipline, I realized I had to put the clear boundaries down now and oh my goodness that hasn't been easy.

Yesterday afternoon, we went to the gym after work, as usual.  Celeste didn't like something I said or did, so she was dragging her feet and walking behind cars an aisle away from me, pouting with her arms folded across her chest.  I gave her the warning look, and she called my bluff.  I dropped my purse, bag and keys down on the ground, ran over to her in my 5-inch heels and picked her up, threw her over my knee (oh yes, I was balancing on one foot supported by only a 5-inch heel) and popped her bottom good.  It's amazing how acrobatic you become when you're determined.

People stopped and stared.  Eyes were like saucers.  She looked around and started crying.  This one older man followed me closely into the gym and was looking at me with anger.  But really.  They don't know my child.  They don't know the situation.  She behaved the rest of the day, too.  In fact, after leaving the gym, she sweetly said, "Mommy, I really love you."  Unprovoked, unasked. 

Being firm isn't easy.  Knowing that I am embarrassing my child in order to get her to behave really is as painful to me as it is her (if not moreso).  I hate being the bad guy, but I know that if I let it go, she won't be able to function as a kind, respectful adult.  I have to keep telling myself that!